My cat has officially broken three light bulbs. Sweet, beautiful, cuddly little Dolores, Dory for short, is definitely a cat. The first lamp fell when was a cracked out little kitten so that was understandable. It was a wake up call that I needed to kitty proof my house immediately, which I thought I did. I tried.
It happened again about a week ago. I was quickly reminded that she’s still got some kitten in her. This time it was the a tall lamp on left side table next to my bed. It was 5:03 am. To her defense, its a pretty lightweigth and flimsy thing, but still, it was five am.
That certainly got me out of bed! And it actually got me thinking about writing this specific blog post. I had this very clear self-care moment where I realized that I needed to get up and handle it. For one, I didnt want her to get hurt- light bulb chards are the absolute worst! My seond thought was, “I need to get up anyway”- I’m a productive early bird once I take the first step. I was just hoping that first step wouldn’t result in little mini light bulb paper cuts. My first act of self-care was getting out of bed on the other side even though it was further away from the bathroom. The second was donning my bedroom slippers- well after getting the cat out of the danger zone of course.
I quickly vaccumed up the glass. Pretty meticulously, I might add. Somehow that lamp is still laying on my floor with stable parts of the lightbulb still attached but thats not the point. Well maybe it is the point but Ill get to that later. I cleaned up the glass and decided this was the moment that I had been waiting for. I know you know that feeling. When you have been slipping in your routines and slacking off on self-care and you get ot the point that you feel like you need some kind of ass kicking pivitol moment to get your shit in gear? Yeah, that thing.
My immediate response to this revelation was “I need to write a blog post about this- the broken light bulb that flipped the switch that brought light to my situation”, But then I realized that I needed to actually do something about the situation while I had this newfound glorious energy. So I moderately decluttered my bedroom, bathroom, and closet. Leaving the lamp on the floor, of course. I was still set on not getting shred to pieces. I’ll take care of it later.
Well, you know, i actually did get a little ass kicking motivation. But certainly not as much as I had hoped for. I put up my laundry and was able to start living out of the dryer for a while. I came up for 4 bags of clothing and 32 pairs of shoes to donate. They stayed in my car until yesteday, but still, I did it. I made much needed doctors appoinment, ordered groceries so that I could stop pretending that I like black coffee, and painted my toenails. But that damn lamp? Still on the floor. But at least it was next to a perfectly made bed, right?
So my cat hadnt been able to go in my room for like a week. And I’d missed her. Her morning kitty snuggles are the most effective alarm clock in the world. So two days ago I moved the lamp over to a safer corner of the room and secured it so she couldnt get to it. (Still not fixing it, by the way). Well, we had an amazing little snug fest and I was starting to feel motivated again. I promised her that I would start taking better care of myself so that I could take better care of her. I started to drift back off to sleep for that last little 10 minute window of sleep, and BAM! Right side lamp down. At least this time, thanks to the last time, my bedroom slippers were perfectly placed and ready by my bed. I realized that this time she actually just tapped it. This time it was a total accident- no sneaky catnip kitten crack to be blamed.
I grabbed her and, once again, put her out of the room, being careful not to yell at her even thought I was super annoyed. I was most annoyed at myself, to be honest. I was annoyed that the other lamp was still on mend, and now I have to use the overhead light whose switch is far across my room, I was annoyed that I had not anticpated this happening again. I had written a whole blog post in my head last week about this very thing for effs sake. A blog post that hadn’t even made it down my fingertips. Anyone who knows me knows this is a big Amanda thing- a key ingredient in my favorite cognitive kryptonite cocktail for sure.
Okay so that was two days ago. Guess where the left light bulb is? yep, right where I left it. And the right one? Hasn’t moved. This time I havent even cleaned up the glass. In my defense it was much more of a clean break, but still. I havent been able to snuggle with my cat and Ive been having to use the overhead light only. But at least Ive been good at using my bedroom slippers, and my bedmaking is still on point. My bed looks straight out of an effing catalogue. If I snapped a pic and cropped out the floor, youd be like “damn why cant i be like amanda, shes got it so together.” Sure, as long as you dont mind impailing your feet on tiny glass shards and having to rely on your cell phone back light to move about the room in the dark- while still attempting to avoid said lightbulbs, mind you.
So flashfoward to this psuedo self-care moment. Dory-girl sobbed cute cuddle tears at my door at 6am on a Sunday so I got up and moved to the couch. We snugged for a while and I fell back asleep. Until the dreaded foot blanket toe eating commenced. Now im up. And I’m here. And I’m wrting the post about the mess while the messs still exists. Maybe thats the point. If we’re always waiting for something- the pivitol moment, the actualization, the long term change, the actual clean up- then we’re probably going to be pretty stagnant. We need to take care of ourselves within the mess, before the mess, after the mess, and before the next (inevitable) mess.
I see you, hot mess express. I’m not afraid, I’m fully on board.