As a therapist, I’ve met a quite a few people who struggle with setting healthy boundaries in relationships. Unfortunately, most of us never really learned a lot about boundaries. It’s not always talked about until we are in a position to need them. We end up taking a reactionary approach and that fuels the idea that boundaries are some sort of punishment or thing that we only use when we are faced with conflict. In reality, it’s always good to have boundaries in any relationship even when everything is going well. Read on to learn how to proactively set boundaries to help strengthen your relationships.

Set healthy boundaries by assessing your relationships

Before we set a boundary, its important to know what we are trying to accomplish and why. I often hear people saying that they need to set boundaries but haven’t actually thought about what they need. It’s usually drive by some constructed narrative that tells them they “should” be setting some specific boundary. In a world where people always tell us what we need to do, it’s vital that we make sure that we are doing what makes sense for ourselves and our relationships. So, first assess the relationship and determine your needs, Then we practice setting boundaries in healthy relationships. Not the other way around.

Determine what’s okay and what’s not okay

What’s okay and what’s not okay in a relationship is very subjective and can vary from person to person. You are the only one that can determine what gets the green light and what slams the brakes. Making a list of the okays and the not okays can help us sort through and clarify our needs. You may be surprised how many things you are actually okay with, despite how others think you should feel about it, It can help you recognize any unhealthy behaviors within the relationship that need to be addressed. This exercise of setting healthy boundaries in relationships can help strengthen your self confidence and self reliance because it teaches you that you know what you need.

Set healthy boundaries in relationships by clearly communicating your needs

Once you have determined what’s okay and what’s not okay, you can start communicating and setting boundaries in healthy relationships. Boundaries are things that we need to have in place to feel safe. Although we cannot control whether or not others will respect our boundaries, we still need to talk about it. Telling others what you need is the most important action step that you will take when setting boundaries in healthy relationships.

Putting It All Together

Here’s the takeaway. Boundaries are things that we need in order to feel healthy and safe. They are ours determine and ours to set. It’s a good idea to assess all of your relationships to proactively determine your needs. Setting boundaries in healthy relationships upfront, will set you up for success.

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