How To Make Sure Your Self-Care Is Not Selfish -

Spoiler alert: Self-care isn’t actually selfish at all. But I know that a lot of us still feel that way even when we tell ourselves that. As a therapist, this comes up in so many of my sessions. People are constantly telling me that they know they need to do more “self-care” but that they also feel that it is very selfish. In fact, this has been such a big theme in my counseling practice that I have made it my mission to deconstruct some of the things that we have learned and absorbed about this concept of “self-care”

Self-care is survival

When you break down the word self-care, in its barest form it simply means taking care of ourselves. There are no rules that we have to practice self-care in a certain type of way, and there are no requirements that it be big, bold, glamorous, or luxurious. When we start to think of self-care on a spectrum, we realize that meeting our most basic human needs for survival is in fact, self-care. Food, shelter clothing- the bottom tier of needs. Sure, those luxuries of life still count, but let’s not forget about those most basic needs. Simply hydrating and nourishing your body is self-care. When we think about it this way, it doesn’t seem quite so selfish does it?

There are no rules for self-care

So many people think that they have to “do self-care” a certain type of way. Maybe you’ve seen something on social media that compells you to buy a certain product or adopt a certain routine. Many times people get so caught up in these types of things that they feel really bad and guilty if they are not able to replicate it just right. Here’s the deal- yes, you can certainly be inspired by social media posts, or articles that tell you how to self-care. I know I do. For real, there have been many things I’ve seen online that I’ve adopted that have bettered my life. There is nothing wrong with that. The problem comes in when we think we HAVE to do the thing in a certain specific way. The truth is, there are a bazillion ways that you can take care of yourself. It’s kinda rare to find exactly what you need from someone else. Instead of scouring the internet trying to figure out what so and so does for self-care, go inward and ask yourself what it is you need for self-care, and what capacity and means you currently have to make it happen. Meeting ourselves where we are is the ultimate form of self-care.

Putting it all together

What I mean to say with all of this is that we need to make sure that we are working with ourselves, not against ourselves, when it comes to self-care. There are going to be times in your life where you have more or less time to devote to some of the luxuries of life and that is okay! When you are pressed and stressed about self-care, start at the bottom. What basic needs can you meet today? Let that be enough. Anything extra is just, well, extra.